I am at another changing phase in my life. What seemed settled and right before has come and gone. I am now rediscovering a new sense of freedom, unlike any I had lost. A new sense of me. A woman reborn. Very raw and unsure.
With it all comes the confusion, the uncertainty and lack of control. A chaos. A jumble of senseless words. Like a man banished to silence and solitude for yrs who has just come back in touch with human contact. Like a child overwhelmed by so many new things in this world. My thoughts and mind are jumbled with the headiness caused by this new found euphoria. I find myself completely bare before the world. Unable to maintain any control over my thoughts or my feelings. Like a broken tap, everything comes pouring out of me. Unable to hold back and keep any sensible barrier between me and the new world around me. I have lost my calm, cool controlled self into this new mind and body of a wild and restless creature. I am honest, but too honest. I am irrational and unreserved. There is something within me that has been quiet for so long and is wanting to come out and no longer hide.
My soul yearns for the breath of fresh air, after being locked up in its dry and stale old solitary room. It is free and does not know what to think of its freedom yet. It is stunned and frozen from the shocking change. The lengthy starvation drives it to madness with the sudden abundance laying there before it. Bewildered and suspicious....for it knows not what awaits it at its next step. Yet naive and gullible, it knows not anymore how to judge well and wisely. It is vulnerable and tired of questioning. It seeks truth and no more games.....
Written January 22, 2009
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